Huckabee shameful record, Presidential Candidates

HUCK THE SCHMUCK

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HUCK THE SCHMUCK


by Alan Stang
December 27, 2007
NewsWithViews.com

I had thought that by now we knew
everything about Mike Huckabee: the love of more and higher taxes, the
betrayal of home schooling, the parole of the man who then raped and killed
another woman, the attempt to bring as many illegal aliens to Arkansas as possible,
et cetera and so on. Of course, I was horribly wrong.

Now come revelations that penetrate
to the heart of the man, which he says is the fact that he is a preacher of
Christ, except of course that his own staff now admits he was lying when he
kept boasting he was the only candidate on the stage with a “theology
degree.” Remember his smart aleck offer to
help Ghouliani when the moderator asked the Ghoul about his spiritual beliefs
in the debates?

Because I have lived so long and
seen so much, I am not easy to shock. But Huckabee has done so. As you know,
one of the main differences between him and the other man from Hope, Arkansas
–
I can’t recall his name; he is the husband
of Hillaroid – is the musical instrument they
play. The other man plays the sexaphone (sic); Huck plays the guitar. Indeed,
Huck plays guitar in a group called Capitol Offense. One of the numbers they
do is “Honky Tonk Women.”
Here are some of the lyrics:

I met a gin soaked, bar-room queen
in Memphis,
She tried to take me upstairs for a ride.
She had to heave me right across her shoulder
’Cause
I just can’t seem to drink you off my mind.

I laid a divorcee in New York City,
I had to put up some kind of a fight.
The lady then she covered me with roses,
She blew my nose and then she blew my mind.

So, what do we have here? We have a
man drinking to excess in a Memphis whore house to get a woman off his mind.
We have an alcoholic whore trying to turn a trick. Because he is mourning the
loss of the first woman, the whore has to drag him upstairs to a bedroom for
the purpose. Presumably, she could do so only because Friar Huck had already
lost those famous hundred pounds in preparation for his presidential race. No
normal woman, and certainly not a gin-soaked whore, could lift a thing the
size of Huckabee before.

The narrator thankfully survives the
night of abandon. The next stanza finds him in New York. He is still
lamenting the loss of the unnamed lady in Memphis, because in New York
another lady, a divorcee, has to struggle to bring Huck the Schmuck to her
bed. The lady blows his nose, which sounds disgusting and then blows his
mind. I shall say no more here because the verb “blows”
comes dangerously close to the area patented by the other man from Hope, the
one whose name I can’t remember.

Of course, “Honky
Tonk Women” is a Mick Jagger/Rolling Stones
song. To do it justice, Huckabee’s Capitol Offense presumably had to
practice, singing these words over and over again. Excuse me? Remember we are
not talking here about some difference in doctrine. We’re
not talking about different interpretations of Original Sin. We’re
talking about the personal behavior of a preacher, a minister of Christ. Will
Huck the Schmuck be performing “Honky Tonk Women”
in the Huckabee White House?

Capitol Offense appears to have a
penchant for professional hookers. Another number they do is “Devil
With the Blue Dress On.” Here are some of the lyrics: “She
walks real cool, catches everybody’s eye/She’s got such good lovin’ that they
can’t say goodbye.” There is also the immortal:

Good golly, Miss Molly
You sure like to ball
While you’re rockin’ and rollin’
Can’t you hear your mama call
From the early, early mornin’ ’til the early, early nights
See Miss Molly rockin’ at the House of Blue Lights

Notice that unlike every other
minister of Jesus I have heard of, Huck the Schmuck does not lament the fact
that these women are prostitutes and try to reform them. On the contrary,
Capitol Offense celebrates and applauds their prostitution. Huckabee apparently
will do anything to look “cool.”

Needless to say, the Prostitute
National Press has not said a word about this. Instead, they have tried
(unsuccessfully) to make something of the fact that Tucker Carlson booby
trapped Dr. Ron Paul into accepting a donation from a man he didn’t
know who runs a brothel in Nevada. By the way, Dr. No plays no instrument and
can’t carry a tune.


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But now here comes something even
worse. What? Worse? Yes! In 2004, at a dinner meeting of the Republican
Governors Association, Huckabee mounted the rostrum to deliver the opening
prayer. You would ask the only man present with a “theology
degree” to do that. As the schmuck got
started, the mobile phone in his pocket rang. And an “embarrassed”
Governor Huckabee took the call. Guess who it was.

It was God

That’s right; God took
time out from His manifold activities to call Friar Huck as he began his
remarks. Either that, or Huck was doing an impression of Bob Newhart, in
which case his impression was masterful; but I saw the video and can assure
you that was not what he was doing. He was using the “theology
degree” he now is lying about to drive home
the “fact” that, despite
the hymns to prostitution of Capitol Offense, he was the only governor the
Creator would call.

As brilliant as he was, Friar Huck
did miss one trick. He should have had God call collect. Then Huck could
magnanimously have accepted the charges. On the other hand, the charges from
Heaven to here are probably prohibitive, and everyone knows God has unlimited
funds insured by FDIC, so He probably would pay for such a call Himself. Here
are the main things the other governors – rotten, no-good sinners who
therefore don’t get calls from God –
heard Friar Huck say:

On the phone for me? How did he get
my number? . . . . Yes, God? Yes, sir, I’m right in the middle of the
president’s coming. . . . . You see, you say
you want–you need an autograph. Oh, for
Samson. . . . And, you know, God, this is a pretty big event. We’ve
got a lot of people and I’ve only got a very short time here.
Oh, you’ve got all the time in the world. I
understand. . . . Yes, sir, we know you don’t take sides in
the election. But, if you did, we kind of think you’d
hang in there with us, lord, we really do. . . .

The transcript says there was much
delighted laughter during all of this. At the end there was (CHEERING AND
APPLAUSE). When I heard about it, I gasped. When I saw the video I marveled.
Notice that Huckabee revoltingly trivializes God. He patronizes God, reducing
Him to a Straight Man in a comedy act. This is not the God I know, not the
Creator of everything that is, not the God who spoke the world into
existence. Am I wrong? Am I making more of this than it deserves? I don’t
think so, but please let me know.

More proof that Huck the Schmuck
thinks Christianity is a joke came after the people of Arizona enacted a law
(Proposition 200) that denies benefits to illegal aliens. The courts upheld
Prop 200 and a couple of Republican Senators in Arkansas proposed a similar
law there. The Arkansas law would have required proof of citizenship to vote.

But Huck denounced the proposal as
“race-baiting and demagoguery.” He said the bill “inflames
those who are racist and bigots and makes them think there’s a real problem.
But there’s not.” So, in Arkansas, Huck says illegal
aliens are not a problem, even when they vote. Now, running for President, he
says the reverse.

But here comes the kicker. Fellow
Republican Senator Jim Holt, one of the bill’s sponsors, is
also a Christian. Singling him out, Governor Schmuck said as follows: “I
drink a different kind of Jesus juice.” Again we see that, in Huckabee’s
lexicon, Jesus is a joke, a Straight Man in a comedy act, a dummy sitting on
Huckabee’s knee. The Schmuck will do or say
anything in his lust to be “cool.” But English
speakers will remember that “cool” means “not
so hot.”

When I saw the Huck and his Straight
Man go through his act, I wondered. Are there really any Americans dumb
enough to fall for this malarkey, dumb enough to give credence to a man who
makes Elmer Gantry look like John the Baptist? The answer is, yes, there are
millions of them. Many of those millions belong to what they call the
Religious Right.

This time around, despite everything
we now know, Friar Huck is their choice. So I have only one question for you.
Are you out of your minds? Dr. Ron Paul exemplifies to the max everything you
say you believe. Mike Huckabee makes Dr. No look like a glorified combination
of Washington, Jefferson and Henry. But you have rejected Dr. Paul in favor
of a blatant scumbag.

Over and over again, you have
betrayed yourselves. You did it with Bush. He ridicules you as suckers in
private; in public he says he is “born again.”
Apparently that is all a man need say to win your devotion. Because he is a
fraud, your country now is falling apart, soon to be merged out of existence
with Mexico and Canada. Your freedoms are gone.

Your
preachers are not preachers. They are motivational speakers, lusting for fame
and the buck. They are cowards, not Christians, not the Black Regiment that
led the War for Independence. If they tell you to vote for the rear end of a
horse, you will flock from the meeting halls to the polling places and do so,
like characters in George A. Romero’s classic, “Night
of the Living Dead.” Now you are getting ready to do it
again. And you will deserve everything you get when reality hits you in the
face.

© 2007 – Alan Stang – All Rights
Reserved

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Alan Stang was
one of Mike Wallace’s original writers at Channel 13 in
New York, where he wrote some of the scripts that sent Mike to CBS. Stang has
been a radio talk show host himself. In Los Angeles, he went head to head
nightly with Larry King, and, according to Arbitron, had almost twice as many
listeners. He has been a foreign correspondent. He has written hundreds of
feature magazine articles in national magazines and some fifteen books, for
which he has won many awards, including a citation from the Pennsylvania
House of Representatives for journalistic excellence. One of Stang’s exposés stopped a criminal attempt to seize control of
New Mexico, where a gang seized a court house, held a judge hostage and
killed a deputy. The scheme was close to success before Stang intervened.
Another Stang exposé inspired major reforms in federal labor legislation.

His first book,
It’s Very Simple: The True Story of
Civil Rights, was an instant best-seller. His first novel, The Highest
Virtue, set in the Russian Revolution, won smashing reviews and five stars,
top rating, from the West Coast Review of Books, which gave five stars in
only one per cent of its reviews.

Stang has
lectured in every American state and around the world and has guested on many
top shows, including CNN’s Cross Fire. Because he and his
wife had the most kids in Santo Domingo, the Dominican Republic, where they
lived at the time, the entire family was chosen to be actors in “Havana,” directed by Sydney Pollack and
starring Robert Redford, the most expensive movie ever made (at the time).
Alan Stang is the man in the ridiculous Harry Truman shirt with the
pasted-down hair. He says they made him do it.

Website: AlanStang.com

E-Mail: stangfeedback@gmail.com

 


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